This Is Me

I'm just a regular girl. I'm a tomboy at times, and girly at other times. I am strong when I need to be. I'm in-secure at times. I'm scared about the future. I live and I learn. I forgive but never forget. I regret everything. Freedom is something I long for but have never had. I cry when I'm alone. I hide my feelings as best as I can so as not to bother my friends. My hair isn't always perfect, my clothes not always fashionable, my nails not always taken care of. I have fears and struggles. I am strong and yet weak at the same time. I will fight for what I love. Sometimes, I like to be in the background. I am random, crazy, goofy, silly, funny, weird, insane. I can help others while not being able to help myself. I can comfort others while not being able to sort through my own fears and trials. I'm a total, goofy, clutz and blonde. I fall down, get embarrassed, laugh about it now but will cry later. I fear being a failure and no one wanting me. There are moments when I feel hopeless. I want the world but don't know how to achieve it. I hate my life at times. I yearn for more but will never get it. Sometimes, I need someone to push me a little to open up. About 95% of thoughts in my head are about serious things; The other 5% are just hopes and dreams that will never come true. I get depressed and long for someone to talk to but never being able to say what I really want to. I am independent at times. I'm confusing at times. I love to make others smile even if I can't make myself smile. I don't always open up. My heart has a lot of scars; some I'm not quite able to talk about. I like to be alone sometimes. I listen to sad love songs. When I'm quiet, I'm questioning life and thinking deeply. Most times, I don't know what I want and when I do, I'm too scared to reach for it. I get lonely at times and yearn for someone to hold. I want to be loved and told I'm beautiful.I'm afraid of being hurt. I want to feel IMPORTANT. This is who I am. I am not perfect. I am not an angel and I am not the devil. I am ME. I don't like to be like other girls. I have good times and bad times. I have an attitude sometimes. People talk about me whether for good or bad. I'm not always happy. My smile isn't always real. My tears don't always show. I want someone to be strong for me. I am insecure at times but I don't show it. I want someone to pick me up. I don't always believe in myself so I want someone else to believe in me. I want a way to release my anger and tears without being thought of as weak. I don't like change but I wouldn't go back to my past. I have made mistakes, more than most people. I have memories that make me. I wish I could fly. I still believe in fairy tales and "true love". I still look for that one guy who will always be there for me and who will love me for me. The one who will show me off to his friends and be proud of me. Who will be sweet and caring with me but be strong and angry at anyone who would hurt me. The one to spend my life with. I AM NOT PERFECT. Love me or hate me. I will not change.