I watched Fireproof and I again saw the kind of love I saw at my cousin's wedding. A pure and holy and absolutely beautiful love. It's the kind of love I want. I have been in so many bad, ungodly relationships and I'm so tired of it. I am SO tired of just being some sexual object to guys, even if I'm not doing anything. I just want someone I can worship and live for the Lord with. Someone I can be myself with and know that, the person I marry is going to be there with me through EVERYTHING both good and bad and that they will promote my spiritual growth.
The Lord has really been working in my life since my cousin's wedding. So much so that I hardly recognize myself! What happened to the girl who just wanted to be free and independent a year ago? Now, all I want to do is live for the Lord and serve him and tell other's about him and hopefully get married some day and have a little boy of my own. Then again, I've always wanted that, more so at times. It's so hard to be patient for the Lord to show me HIS will when I want so many things to happen. I have grown spiritually so much in the past month that it surprises me. I am learning to submit, to be bold for the Lord, to be patient(even though it's harder than rocks XD), and to put my full trust in God.
And yea, I still have my depressing moments because I am human, but I know the Lord is and ALWAYS will be THERE for ME and so I know I will be ok, as long as I trust him and follow and live FOR HIM. There is no greater feeling in this WHOLE world than when I sit down and write a prayer in my prayer journal and just spend time with Him for I know He's always there for me. It makes me cry because who am I? I am a lowly sinner who doesn't deserve His forgiveness let alone His THOUGHTS. And yet, he is continually thinking and loving me. For He is my Rock and my Fortress. He is my Strength and my Comforter, my Father and my God. Blessed be the NAME of the Lord! Hallelujah!
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