Sunday, January 16, 2011

Be Thankful For What You Have...

Be Thankful For What You Have...


I was talking to a friend today and we were discussing how, people complain about their lives when they have nothing to really complain about. They have pretty good lives and yet, they’re complaining and saying that they have a crappy life. Sure, they have some bumps in the road but they don’t have it all bad. They don’t know the meaning of a hard and crappy life. How many of you do this? You complain about little things in your life that is making it harder for you? How many of you take things in your life for granted? Here, let me give you an example of a crappy life.

When I was born, the doctors told my real mom(Lori) and my parents(the Gallants) I was gonna die from a alcohol, drug, and cigarette addiction. I was born too small and I couldn’t keep any food down. The Gallants stayed up at night trying to feed me night after night. I pulled through but it took awhile. When I was two and living with Lori during the week(I stayed with the Gallants on the weekends), Lori beat me. She had a hangover, I was an early bird and started playing with her makeup(I put it all over me! XD), she woke up, saw me, got furious, and beat me with the metal part of the belt. I had 92 bruises. When they took me to the hospital, the doctors said that a few more bruises would have killed me. That’s twice I have almost died since I was born. I remember EVERYTHING.

I lived in foster care with the Gallants for most of my life. I was adopted when I was seven and was officially a Gallant. When I was eight, I was taken from the Gallants and put into another foster home because two of the kids in the foster home had spread rumors about my parents because one didn’t want to live there anymore and the other was mad that I got adopted and she didn’t. I was put into a foster home where I knew no one and was absolutely alone. I wasn’t allowed to see my mother or my father. I could only see my sister and even then, not often. I became shy and quiet. I had no real friends and the only “friends” I did have, were my books, which, thankfully, the foster care home had a lot of. The room I stayed in, I was totally alone and there was a whole wall filled with books. I became a bookworm and got use to being alone. I saw things and had things happen to me in foster care, that you wouldn’t be able to handle. If I told you everything I’ve gone through, you’d have nightmares and you wouldn’t understand how I’ve survived.

When I was 11, I was allowed to live with my sister and her husband. I was not allowed to see either of my parents. I was shy, quiet, a nerd, and I didn’t really know how to make friends. I had been alone too long. Slowly, I opened up and became more outgoing, but not without some difficulty. A few months after my 12th birthday, I was allowed to see my mom although I couldn’t live with her. Due to failing grades, my mother sent me to live in Indiana with my uncle’s family and to be tutored by my aunt. I was torn from my parents, my home, my friends. I had my uncle’s family but it wasn’t the same. I was lonely and the six months I lived out there were some of the worst. They had their ups and downs but I missed my HOME. My parents knew it wasn’t easy on me, but that I had to do it for my grades. While I was out there, my grandpa, Pappy got sick. Everyone cried and was sad. I didn’t. I dealt with my fear and sadness like I usually did; I ignored it and acted cheerful. I tried to serve and cheer my family up any way I could. I didn’t think about my grandpa dying cause I didn’t want it to be true. I ignored it.

My grandpa died three weeks later. I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom and when I came back, my cousin who I shared a room with, was with my aunt and was crying. I was shocked. I couldn’t move. I stood there in the doorway, afraid to go to my uncle and find out the truth. I was scared. My uncle told me my grandpa had died and I cried. Once I let out that night’s worth of tears, I never cried for my grandpa again. You might think that’s wrong but it is how I am. Tears are things wasted and I have cried too many. Besides, I always thought my grandpa hated me because when I was younger, he would always pick on me or yell at me whenever he came to visit. Only when I had a dream about a year and a half ago did I know that that wasn’t true. My grandpa loved me but I just always ignored it.

I went back to california an outcast. I didn’t have any friends. I was shy, quiet, tomboy-ish, tough, angry. I was bullied by everyone in school. I got called hunchback because of my back. I had food thrown at me, I was followed home by gangs of kids, and I got into fight after fight( Most, of which I didn’t start but defended myself…). I had to defend myself often and if I hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t be here right now.

This continued until I was in high school. In fact, it got worse in high school, partly because I fell in with the wrong crowd. I fell in with the toughies and “bad” girls and boys; the ones who didn’t give a crap what people thought about them yet, they stuck together and defended each others back. These people became my friends and more. They became a kind of family to me. Due to my dad being gone, and my mom working from early in the morning to late at night, I was alone at home all the time, giving me freedom to do whatever I wanted, which I did. I went out, hung with my friends, took boxing lessons(and used them as well), went to parties, smoke, drank, did drugs. It was a never ending story and eventually, it started getting boring. In tenth grade, I was really out of control and my parents knew it. They pulled me out of school and we moved to Indiana so that my father could work on his internet business, although I knew it was because of me. I lived there for a year. I settled down and matured. That doesn’t mean that living there was all perfect and I never got into trouble and I was completely happy and had everything perfect in my life, because it wasn’t. I was lonely and missed my friends, no matter how good or bad they were.My parents fought over me all the time. There was tension in my uncles family and mine because of how many of us there were. But it worked out….

One day, my dad told me we were going to move back. I was so excited! I was gonna be in California again! That alone made me happy. I loved Indiana and I have many friends there besides my cousins, but, it is not HOME for me. I am an all Californian girl.

The day after my 17th birthday, we left Indiana and started the road trip home. We got there about four days later. The house we were moving into was my uncles. It was about half an hour from ALL my friends and the neighborhood it was located in was all middle age people or kids. No one my age lived around that house, at least, not that I saw. I eventually found friends at the churches I went to but I didn’t hang out with anyone very much except for my friend Christine who I saw every week(Besties 4 ever!) But that wasn’t THAT bad. What was bad about this house is what happens instead and the actual house.

The house is very, very old. It had a burned roof and garage from a fire four years ago. It has rats, roaches, holes in the ceiling where rain came in, it was cold, drafty, and there wasn’t enough space for all of us. My parents and I shared a room. My bed consisted of a lawn chair mat with a sleeping bag on the floor(which is actually really good for your back!!!). We had most of the stuff that wasn’t in storage in Indiana in that room plus the three of us. Oh yes, I forgot. I only have half my stuff including clothes cause most of it is either in storage in California or Indiana. There was no privacy at all since about 8 of us shared two bathrooms. we often didn’t have hot water(which we had to heat on the stove) or electricity. That wasn’t all of it. The worst thing about the house was the junk and the people that worked for my uncle. The junk was usually broken car parts, clothes, anything and everything you could imagine and it was EVERYWHERE. My uncle had four lots full of broken down cars. His backyard can’t be walked through due to the fact that there’s so much junk out there. And the people that came in and some times stayed there were not good people at all. Most were alcoholics or druggies yet my uncle hired them cause they were cheap to pay. I lived there for about two years after coming from Indiana(I had lived there years before too…). My uncle kicked us out so that’s why we moved to Sun City, Arizona, a retirement city for people over 40. There is no one my age around here and I don’t have any privacy yet, I am very lucky. I have a home, food, clothing, and am safe from danger.

I write this not to get sympathy or to have people feel sorry for me. I also don’t tell you this to say that my life is horrible, because it’s not. There’s others who have it worse than me. But I have had a hard life, more than you can imagine. If I told you half the stuff I’ve been through, you would be amazed that I’m as sane as I am now. Everyday, I have to deal with not having money, being away from my friends and other frustrations but I am NEVER complaining. I have been through hell and back and yet, I am stronger than ever. People should be thankful that their lives are so nice cause mine has been far from that. I’ve been alone most of my life, and even if I’m surrounded by my friends or other people, I still feel incredibly alone. Yet, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything for not only has it made me who I am today and made me able to handle litterly ANYTHING, it has given me the best people in the world as my friends….And I don’t regret one thing that has happened in my life although I remember all of it….I don’t regret ANYTHING….

So, for those of you who complain and say how hard a life you’ve had, remember that, there are some people who have had it way worse than you, and yet, they are still going strong. I have never given up even though I’ve wanted to and I ask that you don’t either. If you need someone to talk to, about ANYTHING, I’m here for you because I have probably been through the same things. Be thankful for what you have and never regret anything for it has made you exactly who your supposed to be….

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