It's been a while since I've posted anything on here. I haven't really had an urge to write anything these past few days as they have been emotional and tiring. I quite litterly get into bed and like...DIE cause I am so tired. So, what's new?

First off, I haven't gotten much sleep since I found out Kyle died. It has been very hard, and although I am not his blood relative, his own sons and daughters have admitted that he loved me as a daughter and that makes me both happy and sad. Happy cause he was like my dad and was my dad at moments when my own father was not there for me but sad because he's gone. I miss him very much and am doing what I always do when someone I love dies: ignoring the pain and keeping busy. It's one of my many faults, I know. But, no matter how hard I TRY, I can't seem to keep my mind busy at night while lying in bed and so therefore, have been crying myself to sleep. I do not hate or blame God for taking Kyle: I know He has a plan, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt.

As to other things, dad, Jeremy and I have been working hard on the house, which is good cause it keeps me busy(obviously). My dad pays us $10 an hour which is good as I have a few things I want to do this summer, such as:

1. Visit with Josiah
2. Get my two roses tattoo
3. Visit Chels and possibly go to Florida with her
4. Get passport and drivers licence.

If I will have enough money for all this? I highly doubt it but we'll see what happens. I will be filling out applications again for jobs around here(wish me luck =/) after we return from California, which is on the 13th.

On my future visit to California, I am happy and yet, I am not. VISITING California is always hard for me as we only stay for a day and two and I usually don't get to hang out with any friends, whom I miss like crazy. The week leading up to my trip and the first two weeks afterwards are always hard on me and I am often lonesome. I've been ignoring it as of late, but I know my lonesomeness will catch up with me sometime and the only thing I can do to help me is consult the Lord. There is, not only comfort but happiness in that.

This is all I am going to write for now as I am tired and have other things to check up on before going to bed. God Bless.