It's been a while since I've posted anything on here. I haven't really had an urge to write anything these past few days as they have been emotional and tiring. I quite litterly get into bed and like...DIE cause I am so tired. So, what's new?
First off, I haven't gotten much sleep since I found out Kyle died. It has been very hard, and although I am not his blood relative, his own sons and daughters have admitted that he loved me as a daughter and that makes me both happy and sad. Happy cause he was like my dad and was my dad at moments when my own father was not there for me but sad because he's gone. I miss him very much and am doing what I always do when someone I love dies: ignoring the pain and keeping busy. It's one of my many faults, I know. But, no matter how hard I TRY, I can't seem to keep my mind busy at night while lying in bed and so therefore, have been crying myself to sleep. I do not hate or blame God for taking Kyle: I know He has a plan, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt.
As to other things, dad, Jeremy and I have been working hard on the house, which is good cause it keeps me busy(obviously). My dad pays us $10 an hour which is good as I have a few things I want to do this summer, such as:
1. Visit with Josiah
2. Get my two roses tattoo
3. Visit Chels and possibly go to Florida with her
4. Get passport and drivers licence.
If I will have enough money for all this? I highly doubt it but we'll see what happens. I will be filling out applications again for jobs around here(wish me luck =/) after we return from California, which is on the 13th.
On my future visit to California, I am happy and yet, I am not. VISITING California is always hard for me as we only stay for a day and two and I usually don't get to hang out with any friends, whom I miss like crazy. The week leading up to my trip and the first two weeks afterwards are always hard on me and I am often lonesome. I've been ignoring it as of late, but I know my lonesomeness will catch up with me sometime and the only thing I can do to help me is consult the Lord. There is, not only comfort but happiness in that.
This is all I am going to write for now as I am tired and have other things to check up on before going to bed. God Bless.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
R.I.P. Kyle Lopez
This is Kyle. He's one of my oldest friend's dad and he was like a second dad to me. He died two days ago. He was like a second dad to me, especially when my dad was traveling for work. He always accepted me for who I was, would always cheer me up with sarcastic humor and always be there to talk about MY problems, even though he had some of his own. He was an amazing friend and father. He wasn't perfect, but he was pretty darn close to it. He made me feel at home and I couldn't help smiling when I talked to him. He always treated me like a daughter and often called me that and he will always be like a father to me. He will be greatly missed and life will not be the same without his sarcastic humor. He is greatly loved and missed always.
Rest In Peace Kyle.<3<3<3
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I Feel Like Crying...
So...I had worked hard all day and I was tired and I went out to Barnes and Noble to look around with my cousin and I really wanted to play monopoly tonight but all my monopolies are packed away in Indiana. So, I bought the Nintendo Monopoly that I've wanted for like, FOREVER to add to my collection and to play it tonight(it's collector's edition btw...Only $40 where as at the mall, it's $75). And as soon as I walk into the house, my mom takes it, looks at the price, and starts tearing me down about it while all my dad does is shake his head, shoot me a disgusted look, and complain about how irresponsible and immature I am. I cannot even describe how much that crushed me. Now all I want to do is cry and tomorrow or Saturday if possible, I'ma try to take the game back. What a way to end a good feeling night. SADNESS. =_(
Eleven Hints For Life...
"Eleven Hints for Life"
1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.
5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.
8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.
11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.
5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.
8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.
11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Our Human Nature..
On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
- Unknown
So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
- Unknown
I've Learned That....
I've learned that we don't have to change friends,If we understand that friends change.
I've learned that something that you do in an instant, can give you heartache for life
.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be that last time you see them.
I've learned that we are responsiable for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude, or it controls you
.
I've learned that my best friend and I , can do anything or nothing and still ahve a good time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the one who helps you get up.
I've learned that sometimes when i am angry i have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them too, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of expirences you've had and what you learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.
I've learned that it isin't always enough to be forgiven by others, but sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love eachother. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love eachother.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secrect, it may change you life forever.
I've learned that sometimes the people that you love most in lfe, are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much i care, some people just dont care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and just seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in life, but who you have that counts.
I've learned that you can keep going, long after you think you can't.
I've learned that their are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that even when you feel you have no more to give, a friend cries out and you find the srenght to help.
I've learned that our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced our lives, but we are responsiable for who we become
- SISSY
I've learned that something that you do in an instant, can give you heartache for life
.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be that last time you see them.
I've learned that we are responsiable for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude, or it controls you
.
I've learned that my best friend and I , can do anything or nothing and still ahve a good time.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the one who helps you get up.
I've learned that sometimes when i am angry i have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them too, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of expirences you've had and what you learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.
I've learned that it isin't always enough to be forgiven by others, but sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love eachother. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love eachother.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secrect, it may change you life forever.
I've learned that sometimes the people that you love most in lfe, are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much i care, some people just dont care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and just seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in life, but who you have that counts.
I've learned that you can keep going, long after you think you can't.
I've learned that their are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that even when you feel you have no more to give, a friend cries out and you find the srenght to help.
I've learned that our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced our lives, but we are responsiable for who we become
- SISSY
This Is Me
I'm just a regular girl. I'm a tomboy at times, and girly at other times. I am strong when I need to be. I'm in-secure at times. I'm scared about the future. I live and I learn. I forgive but never forget. I regret everything. Freedom is something I long for but have never had. I cry when I'm alone. I hide my feelings as best as I can so as not to bother my friends. My hair isn't always perfect, my clothes not always fashionable, my nails not always taken care of. I have fears and struggles. I am strong and yet weak at the same time. I will fight for what I love. Sometimes, I like to be in the background. I am random, crazy, goofy, silly, funny, weird, insane. I can help others while not being able to help myself. I can comfort others while not being able to sort through my own fears and trials. I'm a total, goofy, clutz and blonde. I fall down, get embarrassed, laugh about it now but will cry later. I fear being a failure and no one wanting me. There are moments when I feel hopeless. I want the world but don't know how to achieve it. I hate my life at times. I yearn for more but will never get it. Sometimes, I need someone to push me a little to open up. About 95% of thoughts in my head are about serious things; The other 5% are just hopes and dreams that will never come true. I get depressed and long for someone to talk to but never being able to say what I really want to. I am independent at times. I'm confusing at times. I love to make others smile even if I can't make myself smile. I don't always open up. My heart has a lot of scars; some I'm not quite able to talk about. I like to be alone sometimes. I listen to sad love songs. When I'm quiet, I'm questioning life and thinking deeply. Most times, I don't know what I want and when I do, I'm too scared to reach for it. I get lonely at times and yearn for someone to hold. I want to be loved and told I'm beautiful.I'm afraid of being hurt. I want to feel IMPORTANT. This is who I am. I am not perfect. I am not an angel and I am not the devil. I am ME. I don't like to be like other girls. I have good times and bad times. I have an attitude sometimes. People talk about me whether for good or bad. I'm not always happy. My smile isn't always real. My tears don't always show. I want someone to be strong for me. I am insecure at times but I don't show it. I want someone to pick me up. I don't always believe in myself so I want someone else to believe in me. I want a way to release my anger and tears without being thought of as weak. I don't like change but I wouldn't go back to my past. I have made mistakes, more than most people. I have memories that make me. I wish I could fly. I still believe in fairy tales and "true love". I still look for that one guy who will always be there for me and who will love me for me. The one who will show me off to his friends and be proud of me. Who will be sweet and caring with me but be strong and angry at anyone who would hurt me. The one to spend my life with. I AM NOT PERFECT. Love me or hate me. I will not change.
If You Really Knew Me...
You'd know that I'm the world's biggest goof and am totally random
That I have a past and even though, I'm still dealing with it, I use it every chance I get to help others with the same problems or experiences
You would know that I usually don't open-up to alot of people and that when I finally do, I'm putting a lot of trust in you and it takes me a while to get everything out...
You would know that, my stories and songs are words and feelings I can't say or have a hard time expressing and that by reading it, you could get to know me better...
That I believe in fairy tales and true love, even though I've never had either of those...
You would know that people would call me cold because I don't show feelings or cry in front of people but that's only because I have a hard time opening up..
You would know that I was a foster kid when I was younger before I was adopted so I can relate to a lot of foster kids...
You would know that I'm a fighter and that I'd fight for the ones I love, even if means I'd lose my life....
That I have very strong beliefs and I try my best to live by those....
That I hate drama, gossip, or silly rumors...I've lost friends over that and it's not worth it to me to do it again...
I can be a blonde sometimes...
I may look secure on the outside, but I have a lot of insecure moments....
You would know that I have been made fun of all my life so I hate bullies and will fight for those who are pushed down for no reason..
I'm not like other girls...
I'm a tomboy and I like riding four wheelers in the mud...
I don't care about whose dating who or impressing that one guy with my hairdo or my "pretty" nails
That I love learning about History, or Greek mythology, or that I keep books even if I never read them just so I can say I have that book...
You would know that my friends and family are my life...
You would know that I'm very protective and I always suspect the worst...
That once you become my friend, your always my friend, even if we never talk or see each other and we'll always be friends unless you damage our friendship yourself...
You would know that I can get pretty emotional.
You know know that I shut myself down because I’m afraid of letting my emotions show.
You would know that I'm scared of being alone or that everyone's gonna leave me because of the way I always screw up or because I disappoint them so much...
You would know that I think about important things in this world that are serious and mean a lot to me...Stuff most people my age don't care about...
You would know that I have many unrealistic dreams that I will most likely never accomplish or do, and so I don't dream as much anymore...
You would know that I cry a lot and easily when I'm alone....
The one who won't ask you to change to make me happy, but instead try to form to your ways
I'm the type of girl who would rather stay up all night talking and sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk.
You would know that I'm very rebellious and that I usually do what I want, no matter what people says...
I stand up for what I believe in..
I don't like being in big crowds where I don't know that many people....I get uncomfortable and feel alone...
I fell like im disappointing you.
You would know that I have small panic attacks when there is too much happening around me and that there's not much people can do to calm me down except leave me alone...
You would know that a part of me likes being alone cause that's how I've been for most of my life...
You would know, that I'm gratefull for everything I have in my life and all the people in it...even though I act un-grateful most of the time.
You would know I hate being made fun of...even if it's the slightest joke.
If you really knew me, you'd know I hardly say whats on my mind anymore cause I'm afraid people willl just stop talking to me if I saythe wrong thing that might upset them. Even though I shouldn't have to hide it. :/
I say dude all the time
I like it to be known that I can take care of myself...I always have...
You would know that even though I act courageous, there's a lot that scares me...I just don't always show it...
You would know that I don't always feel comfortable showing who I really am, cause I'm afraid people wouldn't understand me or would hate me for it...
You would know that I don't always know what I want or need and that it takes me a long time to figure it out...
I am confusing and tiring and boring and emotional...
You would know I just want to be accepted for who I am...
That I have my own problems, but I don't always show them to people....
Guys aren't better than girls and girls aren't better than guys so stop being a jerk and acting like that's how it is...
Do you know me now?
That I have a past and even though, I'm still dealing with it, I use it every chance I get to help others with the same problems or experiences
You would know that I usually don't open-up to alot of people and that when I finally do, I'm putting a lot of trust in you and it takes me a while to get everything out...
You would know that, my stories and songs are words and feelings I can't say or have a hard time expressing and that by reading it, you could get to know me better...
That I believe in fairy tales and true love, even though I've never had either of those...
You would know that people would call me cold because I don't show feelings or cry in front of people but that's only because I have a hard time opening up..
You would know that I was a foster kid when I was younger before I was adopted so I can relate to a lot of foster kids...
You would know that I'm a fighter and that I'd fight for the ones I love, even if means I'd lose my life....
That I have very strong beliefs and I try my best to live by those....
That I hate drama, gossip, or silly rumors...I've lost friends over that and it's not worth it to me to do it again...
I can be a blonde sometimes...
I may look secure on the outside, but I have a lot of insecure moments....
You would know that I have been made fun of all my life so I hate bullies and will fight for those who are pushed down for no reason..
I'm not like other girls...
I'm a tomboy and I like riding four wheelers in the mud...
I don't care about whose dating who or impressing that one guy with my hairdo or my "pretty" nails
That I love learning about History, or Greek mythology, or that I keep books even if I never read them just so I can say I have that book...
You would know that my friends and family are my life...
You would know that I'm very protective and I always suspect the worst...
That once you become my friend, your always my friend, even if we never talk or see each other and we'll always be friends unless you damage our friendship yourself...
You would know that I can get pretty emotional.
You know know that I shut myself down because I’m afraid of letting my emotions show.
You would know that I'm scared of being alone or that everyone's gonna leave me because of the way I always screw up or because I disappoint them so much...
You would know that I think about important things in this world that are serious and mean a lot to me...Stuff most people my age don't care about...
You would know that I have many unrealistic dreams that I will most likely never accomplish or do, and so I don't dream as much anymore...
You would know that I cry a lot and easily when I'm alone....
The one who won't ask you to change to make me happy, but instead try to form to your ways
I'm the type of girl who would rather stay up all night talking and sharing secrets than going out and getting drunk.
You would know that I'm very rebellious and that I usually do what I want, no matter what people says...
I stand up for what I believe in..
I don't like being in big crowds where I don't know that many people....I get uncomfortable and feel alone...
I fell like im disappointing you.
You would know that I have small panic attacks when there is too much happening around me and that there's not much people can do to calm me down except leave me alone...
You would know that a part of me likes being alone cause that's how I've been for most of my life...
You would know, that I'm gratefull for everything I have in my life and all the people in it...even though I act un-grateful most of the time.
You would know I hate being made fun of...even if it's the slightest joke.
If you really knew me, you'd know I hardly say whats on my mind anymore cause I'm afraid people willl just stop talking to me if I saythe wrong thing that might upset them. Even though I shouldn't have to hide it. :/
I say dude all the time
I like it to be known that I can take care of myself...I always have...
You would know that even though I act courageous, there's a lot that scares me...I just don't always show it...
You would know that I don't always feel comfortable showing who I really am, cause I'm afraid people wouldn't understand me or would hate me for it...
You would know that I don't always know what I want or need and that it takes me a long time to figure it out...
I am confusing and tiring and boring and emotional...
You would know I just want to be accepted for who I am...
That I have my own problems, but I don't always show them to people....
Guys aren't better than girls and girls aren't better than guys so stop being a jerk and acting like that's how it is...
Do you know me now?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
My boyfriend and the Princess Bride
MY BOYFRIEND'S QUOTING "PRINCESS BRIDE" TO ME:
"You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand" swords.
"Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe"
"Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End"
"You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand" swords.
"Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe"
"Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End"
A couple nights ago, I was having a hard time with myself and my insecurities and I asked someone very special to me to be honest and be upfront with me about who and how I was. He was very honest and upfront and I was thankful for that. He pointed out that, the fact that I always thought I didn't fit in was because I had never tried, and it was true. Although I always wanted to fit in and be accepted, I never did "try" to fit in. Maybe it was because I had been shipped around so much, or that I was always alone in foster care due to never having friends? Either way, over my childhood years, I began to believe that no one liked me and that I would never fit in let alone have friends. The other kids in the foster homes would look or treat me weird, as if I was some disease in they're midst. Also, for reasons unknown to me, they disliked me, although I was always kind to them. It didn't help that I had just been taken from my parents and the home I knew, and, in the middle of the night, put into a completely new and unfamiliar house so I was scared and shy and quiet.
I was put into a room by myself and told to sleep in, something that, at the time, I was not use to and never did. I didn't bother changing, just fell straight to sleep. I woke up about eight in the morning and went downstairs to look for something to eat and was sent right back up to get more sleep, which I quickly ignored. I was new to the house and scared and it hurt that I had been turned away. Thankfully, the room I was currently staying in had my future friends: books. One whole wall of the room contained nothing but shelf after shelf of children's and teens books, the majority being Goosebumps by R.L. Stien. I quickly began my way through them, not stopping unless someone came to talk to me and not leaving the room unless I was under command. Slowly, I sank into myself. I was quiet and shy and scared, and the other kids thought I was weird and not normal because of this so I didn't have any friends. I only had myself. The only times I left the house was when I was picked up and shipped out for a court date or to have a temporary visit with my mother and one of my sisters. Otherwise, that one room with the many, loving, and accepting books became my haven, my hideout, my palace. I was safe and at home there. I use to stay up all night reading. The adults didn't care about us because they never checked in on me. They sent us up to bed to take care of ourselves and that was that. My confidence dropped even lower when I again got Lice in my hair. I had dealt with it many times when I was a kid and for some reason, they kept coming back. Because of my lice problem, they treated my hair and then sent me up to my room to be in seclusion because they didn't want the other kids to catch it. No one was allowed to visit my room except for the adults. Not like it mattered cause no one really did. I'd be lucky if they even noticed me!
I was only at that foster home for a month, and yet, my confidence factor dropped like crazy. I still remember every detail of that house. The wide TV surrounded by lamps in the den, the wooden cabinets with black counter-tops, the stairs where I slipped and fell, my room with two beds and the shelves of books who became my friends. I was transfered to my sister and brother-in-law's apartment in Canyon Country, California. I was being home schooled( I was terribly behind on my schooling...) which didn't help my confidence or my personality any. It only made me withdraw even more. Down the stairs and around the corner was one of the apartment's playgrounds and, although I didn't want to go and argued and begged not to, was sent out there to play often for a sort of P.E. class. I would have rather stayed inside the whole time, but my sister didn't agree with me. So, I went out and played and met new kids. Very, very slowly I opened up and eventually, I met a group of girls who became some of my first friends, although not ones who left a big impression on my life. I thought they liked and accepted me. Only later did I find out how wrong I was. In these apartments, there were storage closets and some were left unlocked and open. One of these became a sort of "club house" for us. We use to hold meetings in it, do arts and crafts in there, or just meet in there and then head to the playground. One day, we decided to do arts and crafts, but no one had any art supplies. Except for me. So I willingly piped up and said I had some and would be willing to share them. These were my friends after all. So, I went up, got my markers, colorful feathers, beads, paper, glitter, glue, sparkles, crayons, paper masks, everything else that was needed to have fun, took them down to the clubhouse and shared them. We had so much fun making those drawings and masks that we later wore for fun. I remember I made a beautiful mask and pretended that when I put it on, I was a princess that everyone loved. I was hoping it would work in real life, which it didn't.
The next day, we came down to our club house and one of the girls was in there and had locked the door so that we couldn't come in. She told us she had a surprise for us and that she would call us back over when it was time. So we headed over to the playground and forgot about the surprise for we were caught up in the child like moments. It was only when later, we went back like we usually did before dinner, that we understood what the "surprise" was. Whoever had been in the closet had taken down all our pictures and masks that we had made and put them on the ground and stomped on them, leaving black, ugly footprints on them. When each of us picked up our items, I found mine torn and shredded and completely ruined, more than the others. Only later did I find out that, the girl had done all that against me although as to why, I had no idea and I know I never will. I was so sad that I ran the few short feet to my sister's apartment crying. My sister came outside with me to see what happened but the person was never caught. A couple days later, I learned that all the girl's were in on the "joke." They didn't like me but had seem me carrying in art supplies and decided to be my friend so as to use it. I was crushed. I stayed inside and only when my brother-in-law- threatened to take away my toys did I ever leave the house. Meanwhile, I had found two friends. One was the girl that my sister babysat who was three years younger. We would spend a lot of our time, if not each day at her house and she became a friend, although not a close one. The other one was a boy who was younger than me who lived across the way from me. Our windows were across the way from each other, so we would sit there and write notes to each other or I'd go over to his house to play or his parents would take me swimming with them. They became my friends. When I was about ten, we moved to an apartment in Newhall, California. I went to Newhall Elementary and transfered there half way during the fourth grade.
Again, kids looked at me like I was a freak. I was quiet, insecure, shy, and angry at life and the world. I wasn't allowed to live with either of my parents, for reason's I will not go into at this moment, and I was angry because of that. I felt like my parents had abandoned me and I was angry. I hated life and I hated everyone else. The kids knew this and so they avoided me. I remember one time in fifth grade, one of the boys said something bad about my father and I socked him in the face and screamed at him to shut up. Then, when the teacher pulled me aside, I burst out crying and was still crying when she made me go outside. After that, kids made fun of me. They called me a cry baby and said I was weak. Because of the way my back was curved due to slumping, kids also made fun of me by calling me "Hunchback of Notre Dame." While it just made me even more angrier, it also made me cry. I had very little friends and the ones I did have were kids who were younger than me. Even then, I was alone and that hurt. I use to sit by myself at lunch watching everyone else playing games with their friends and feel left out. Each day, I'd walk home instead of hanging out with friends and do schoolwork. At night, I cried myself to sleep and dreaded going to school the next day. I hated it. I was tired of getting made fun of and being pushed around. One day, a boy came to the school and ended up being in my class. Let's make his name Tony. Tony was an outcast like me. He was a big boy and people made fun of him for his weight. He became my best friend and my first crush. He was kind and sweet and accepted me for the way I was. Whenever I got made fun of, he would yell at the boys till they made fun of him instead. He became a sort of protector for me.
But, when it came to being a physical protector, that was usually my job. I was the one who would get into fights. I didn't have anything to lose at the time, so what was the point? No one liked me so why try? Over time, most of the kids in my classes began to fear me or at least stay away. They still made fun of me, but in a way so they could still keep their distance. Because of my "violent" behavior, I had to take numerous therapy sessions and talk to a school counselor each week. They evaluated me for weeks and tried to get me to open up about how I felt, or why I was angry, or why I hated school, but I would never tell them. I trusted no one and didn't care what they said. I hated everyone, or so I kept telling myself. I only grew angrier when I was given the choice to redo my sixth grade or go on to junior high. My mom opted for the sixth grade due to me being "too young" for junior high so I ended up staying in the sixth grade with a couple of my bullies along with Tony.
At this time, I started attending the local Boys and Girls club after school. I was still a loner who was quiet and shy and very, very angry. I was not afraid to challenge anyone and to fight them, whether I could win or not. Like I said earlier, I had nothing to lose so why not? I got into many fights there, most of which I didn't start but was defending myself. I never told my mother any of this for I knew she wouldn't do anything. Parents and teachers never do anything. They tell you to go find someone to stop it, but that doesn't always work when you have someone whose ready to kill you any chance they had. Half way through my second sixth grade year, we moved down to the valley and I started at another school, one with mostly African Americans and Mexicans. Now, let me make this straight before I go any father. I do not hate or dislike African Americans or Mexicans. In fact, I had an African American foster sister and brother and a Mexican foster sister who became my best friend in my childhood. A couple of my friends are also Mexican and I love them because they're so much fun to hang out with because they love to party. I DO NOT DISCRIMINATE.
Anyways, at this school in the valley, I was the new white girl. I was still angry, as my mom(who I was now living with among an aunt and uncle), worked long hours and spent very little time with me. She was raising me the best she could, but she couldn't always be there. At this school, I got made fun of and bullied, even to the point of getting physically hurt. Some eighth grade African American girls didn't like and they instantly latched onto me, following me around to school to torture me with their taunts and their kicks. At lunch, they would hit my books out of my hand and kick my legs or push me into walls. One time, one of them grabbed my wrist and I said, "Get your hands off me." She then told everyone in the school that I had said, "Get your black hands off me" and from then, I was screwed. Every Mexican and African American in that school knew exactly who I was and all my information, everything from my name to my address. I got death threats in my locker and I was constantly followed home. It got to the point of where, I had to go to school just to sit in the Principal's office all day and have her follow me around at lunch because people were really wanting to kill me. I remember looking back one time at the masses of kids at lunch and I remember seeing every face turned toward me with hostile and violent face and they were all threatening me. It scared me but it only made me stronger.
The principle finally decided that I couldn't stay there so they transfered me to some richy richy junior high across the valley from them. For me, it was a new experience. I had just come from a school that looked ancient and transfered to a school that looked like a school out of a movie. I was amazed. I remember walking into my science class the first day. I had just come from a school that required uniforms so I was dressed in baggy navy pants, a tight navy polo shirt and black sketchers. I can still see the looks they gave me when I walked in. A couple of the girls even hid behind their hands and whispered and giggled to each other while obviously talking about me. I was too angry to care. The first day was long and boring and almost everyone avoided me. I went and hung out with my favorite people: books. I skipped lunch and went straight to the library where I felt at home. The second day, a couple girls from one of my classes came up to me at lunch, saying that they knew I was from the other school and that I had better watch my back. I took the threat to consideration and didn't tell my mom about it.
The third day I was there was starting out pretty good....that was until P.E. We had to do the mile and I actually finished pretty well. I remember being proud of myself for doing so well. Well, all the girls went into the locker rooms to change and that's where it happened. I got jumped. My lockers were in the far back of the locker rooms and on the other side from the P.E. office. I was getting changed when someone pushed me into my locker. I ignored it, thinking it was an accident. Someone pushed me again and I turned around. Four girls were standing there, blocking every route of my escape. They started threating me and spitting on me. I ignored them and turned back to my locker. One of the bigger girls decided to push my head into the locker. I turned around and socked her straight in the nose, making it bleed. Two girls grabbed my arms, but I kicked the third one in the stomach, kicked another in the shin as hard as I could so that she'd let go of my arm, then socked the fourth girl in the face. It progressed into a full fledge fight and the P.E. teachers came running. When they finally stopped us, I was all in one piece whereas the four girls had a broken nose, or bruises, or stomach cramps, or blood running. The P.E. teachers made me dress and sent me straight to the office. The four girls got off with a warning. I got expelled. I was there THREE days.
At this time, my mom decided that she would try homeschooling again so she shipped me off to Indiana for six months to finish my seventh grade year off right. I was good for those months, rarely acting up. I only got to go home after my grandfather, William Russell Gallant Sr. died of a brain aneurysm.
For most of my childhood, I was alone. I was quiet, shy, and angry and often felt like a freak. I ignored all my problems and had very few friends. I went into myself and talked very little. I still have problems with this. I still feel the need or the urge to just ignore the world and be by myself, a hermit. And living in this retirement city has only made that feeling stronger. The feeling of being by myself and not having to worry about everyone and their problems. But, a bigger part of me is not like that. My friends are my life, and I try to hang on every single one because I know what it's like to be without them. I would do anything for them, despite the cost, even if they wouldn't do the same for me. It took me a long time to come out of my shell, and to be honest? I haven't completely come out yet and I don't think I ever will. I'm always gonna be dealing with wanting to be alone or thinking that I don't fit in. I have been like this for so long that I don't know how to change or what else to be. I still want to be accepted and wanted but I see now that, that's not other people's fault, it's MINE. It's my own insecurity that I'm always gonna be thinking about. It's just how I am.
So, for now, this is me, or my other half as you may call it. Most of my friends describe me as loud and outgoing, friendly, compassionate and caring, but what they rarely know is the other half of me or why I am like that. These are my reasons....and this is my life....
If Your Gonna Fall In Love With Me....
If your gonna fall in love with me, it's only fair that you know what your falling in love with. Your falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsessions with finding out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity and silliness, my occasional un-trusting moments, my constant need to be love and appreciated, my fear of losing everyone I love, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my stubbornness, my constant worrying, my constant comparison to other girls. You fall in love with my troubled past that I have a hard time letting go of, my hopes and dreams, even the impossible ones, my fears, including my huge fear of failing at everything, and how I am a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate, my moodiness, all my imperfections, my occasional seriousness, and my stupid perception that no one in this world could ever possibly love me.
But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I'm with you, the way I'll text you in the mornings, just to tell you I love you and have a good day, the way my voice will change when I hear your voice over the phone, the way I'll stare at you randomly cause I think your handsome, the way I will squeeze your hand, hoping to never let go. Your falling in love with the occasional humorous, and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people talk about you or mentions your name. You fall in love with my sudden shyness when I'm around you, the little looks at you from the corner of my eye just to make sure your really there, my nervous little habits. But, to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite me thinking it's impossible.
Missing You...
-SIGH- It's funny how fast you can get attached to someone and miss them so much in such a short time of them being gone. I mean, I haven't talked to Josiah in like a day or two and already I'm going nuts, not because I want to control him but because I miss him so much XP I mean, I thought I missed him when we're skyping(cause he's at Fort Drum in New York) but man, this is a LOT worse. Xl I keep trying to keep my mind busy and pre-occupied and it is SO not working hahahhaha I keep checking my facebook and skype like every couple hours just to see if he's online so I can talk to him and hoping he'll call when I OBVIOUSLY know he can't....I miss his smile and amazing eyes and his ability to make me speechless one moment and crack up with laughter the next XD Crap. I am an idiot....lol An idiot under a HUGE spell/curse named Love....Lord help us all....
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
http://youreexposed.com/a/index.php?d=230932423&c=exposure-archives/1259401/1259401&v=mayeve101&c=YWJjMTIzZnRiaDU0M3Nm
K, so people are making fun of my Tumblr….What’s your point? Someone’s gonna hate it at some point…Doesn’t mean I gotta let it bother me…Continue hating me and my blog..See if I care…IDIOTS…LOL
K, so people are making fun of my Tumblr….What’s your point? Someone’s gonna hate it at some point…Doesn’t mean I gotta let it bother me…Continue hating me and my blog..See if I care…IDIOTS…LOL
Tattoos and Idiots
I LITTERLY DESPISE PEOPLE WHO GET TATTOO'S FOR NO FREAKING REASON. IF YOUR GONNA GET A TATTOO, YOU HAD BETTER HAVE A PRETTY GOOD REASON FOR GETTING IT AND IT HAD BETTER MEAN SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO YOU. OTHERWISE, DON'T GET IT. I'M GETTING MINE CAUSE THEY EACH HAVE A MEANING TO THEM AND I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS. DON'T BE STUPID AND GET A TATTOO TO BE "KOOL" CAUSE YOU AIN'T IF YOU DO THAT. YOUR JUST AN IDIOT WHO PUT SOMETHING ON THEIR BODY THAT THEY'LL REGRET LATER. STUPID IDIOTS.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Extract from In Memory
Serene and beautiful and very wise,
Most erudite in curious Grecian lore,
You lay and read your learned books, and bore
A weight of unshed tears and silent sighs,
The song of within you heart could never rise
Until love bade it spread it's wings and soar.
Nor could you look on Beauty's face before
a poet's burning mouth had touched your eyes....
Alfred Joyce Kilmer(1886-1918)
Most erudite in curious Grecian lore,
You lay and read your learned books, and bore
A weight of unshed tears and silent sighs,
The song of within you heart could never rise
Until love bade it spread it's wings and soar.
Nor could you look on Beauty's face before
a poet's burning mouth had touched your eyes....
Alfred Joyce Kilmer(1886-1918)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
My Book(On The Eve Of My 18th Birthday)
So, I was skyping with David today and he sent me a link on how to PUBLISH my book on Amazon, and...well, I litterly burst out crying XD I don't know what's wrong with me that I cry so much this week hahahha. But yea...
But, the reason I burst out crying to find out I could publish my book was because of the fact that, to be honest, it's one of my BIGGEST dreams to be able to publish my book and to be honest(again! XP), I never thought I would because of the fact that it costs money and I don't think my books that good.
I've had a BUNCH of my friends read my book and think that it's good but, aren't they JUST saying that 'cause they are my friends? I don't know...I have put so much of myself into this book...Like, no one understands....Only people that REALLY know me like David, can see how much of myself I've put into this book...and to be able to publish it just blows my mind. I still can't comprehend that fact and I still want to cry with amazement....The Lord is too good to me...He has truly blessed me this week....Glory to God in the highest!
But, the reason I burst out crying to find out I could publish my book was because of the fact that, to be honest, it's one of my BIGGEST dreams to be able to publish my book and to be honest(again! XP), I never thought I would because of the fact that it costs money and I don't think my books that good.
I've had a BUNCH of my friends read my book and think that it's good but, aren't they JUST saying that 'cause they are my friends? I don't know...I have put so much of myself into this book...Like, no one understands....Only people that REALLY know me like David, can see how much of myself I've put into this book...and to be able to publish it just blows my mind. I still can't comprehend that fact and I still want to cry with amazement....The Lord is too good to me...He has truly blessed me this week....Glory to God in the highest!
Fireproof( BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!)
I watched Fireproof and I again saw the kind of love I saw at my cousin's wedding. A pure and holy and absolutely beautiful love. It's the kind of love I want. I have been in so many bad, ungodly relationships and I'm so tired of it. I am SO tired of just being some sexual object to guys, even if I'm not doing anything. I just want someone I can worship and live for the Lord with. Someone I can be myself with and know that, the person I marry is going to be there with me through EVERYTHING both good and bad and that they will promote my spiritual growth.
The Lord has really been working in my life since my cousin's wedding. So much so that I hardly recognize myself! What happened to the girl who just wanted to be free and independent a year ago? Now, all I want to do is live for the Lord and serve him and tell other's about him and hopefully get married some day and have a little boy of my own. Then again, I've always wanted that, more so at times. It's so hard to be patient for the Lord to show me HIS will when I want so many things to happen. I have grown spiritually so much in the past month that it surprises me. I am learning to submit, to be bold for the Lord, to be patient(even though it's harder than rocks XD), and to put my full trust in God.
And yea, I still have my depressing moments because I am human, but I know the Lord is and ALWAYS will be THERE for ME and so I know I will be ok, as long as I trust him and follow and live FOR HIM. There is no greater feeling in this WHOLE world than when I sit down and write a prayer in my prayer journal and just spend time with Him for I know He's always there for me. It makes me cry because who am I? I am a lowly sinner who doesn't deserve His forgiveness let alone His THOUGHTS. And yet, he is continually thinking and loving me. For He is my Rock and my Fortress. He is my Strength and my Comforter, my Father and my God. Blessed be the NAME of the Lord! Hallelujah!
The Lord has really been working in my life since my cousin's wedding. So much so that I hardly recognize myself! What happened to the girl who just wanted to be free and independent a year ago? Now, all I want to do is live for the Lord and serve him and tell other's about him and hopefully get married some day and have a little boy of my own. Then again, I've always wanted that, more so at times. It's so hard to be patient for the Lord to show me HIS will when I want so many things to happen. I have grown spiritually so much in the past month that it surprises me. I am learning to submit, to be bold for the Lord, to be patient(even though it's harder than rocks XD), and to put my full trust in God.
And yea, I still have my depressing moments because I am human, but I know the Lord is and ALWAYS will be THERE for ME and so I know I will be ok, as long as I trust him and follow and live FOR HIM. There is no greater feeling in this WHOLE world than when I sit down and write a prayer in my prayer journal and just spend time with Him for I know He's always there for me. It makes me cry because who am I? I am a lowly sinner who doesn't deserve His forgiveness let alone His THOUGHTS. And yet, he is continually thinking and loving me. For He is my Rock and my Fortress. He is my Strength and my Comforter, my Father and my God. Blessed be the NAME of the Lord! Hallelujah!
While I'm Waiting Lyrics
While I'm Waiting Lyrics by John Waller
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Miss You
I miss you in the morning, dear,
When all the world is new;
I know the day can bring no joy
Because it brings not you.
I miss the well-loved voice of you,
Your tender smile for me,
The charm of you, the joy of your
Unfailing sympathy.
The world if full of folks, it's true,
But there is only one of you.
I miss you at the noontide, dear;
The crowded city street
Seems but a desert now, I walk
In solitude complete.
I miss your hand beside my own
The light touch of your hand,
The quick gleam in the yes of you
So sure to understand.
The world is full of folks, it's true,
But there is only one of you.
I miss you in the evening, dear,
When daylight fades away;
I miss the sheltering arms of you
To rest me from the day,
I try to think I see you yet
There where the firelight gleams-
Weary at last, I sleep, and still
I miss you in my dreams.
The world is full of folks, it's true,
But there is only one of you.
~Author Unknown
When all the world is new;
I know the day can bring no joy
Because it brings not you.
I miss the well-loved voice of you,
Your tender smile for me,
The charm of you, the joy of your
Unfailing sympathy.
The world if full of folks, it's true,
But there is only one of you.
I miss you at the noontide, dear;
The crowded city street
Seems but a desert now, I walk
In solitude complete.
I miss your hand beside my own
The light touch of your hand,
The quick gleam in the yes of you
So sure to understand.
The world is full of folks, it's true,
But there is only one of you.
I miss you in the evening, dear,
When daylight fades away;
I miss the sheltering arms of you
To rest me from the day,
I try to think I see you yet
There where the firelight gleams-
Weary at last, I sleep, and still
I miss you in my dreams.
The world is full of folks, it's true,
But there is only one of you.
~Author Unknown
She's Everything Lyrics
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsQmkkmDYpk
She's Everything lyrics by Brad Paisley
She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She's I want a piece of chocolate
Take me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear
Now and then she's moody
She's a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowing
She's a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation
That I wouldn't miss for nothing
She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving
[Chorus]
And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
'Cause she's everything to me
She's a Saturday out on the town
And a church girl on Sunday
She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday
She's a bubble bath and candles
Baby come and kiss me
She's a one glass of wine
And she's feeling kinda tipsy
She's the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers
She's a picture in my wallet
Of my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding
When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer
And she's the song that I'm playing
[Repeat chorus]
She's the voice I love to hear
Someday when I'm ninety
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one
That I'd lay down my own life for
And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
Yeah she's everything to me
Everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
She's Everything lyrics by Brad Paisley
She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She's I want a piece of chocolate
Take me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear
Now and then she's moody
She's a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowing
She's a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation
That I wouldn't miss for nothing
She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving
[Chorus]
And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
'Cause she's everything to me
She's a Saturday out on the town
And a church girl on Sunday
She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday
She's a bubble bath and candles
Baby come and kiss me
She's a one glass of wine
And she's feeling kinda tipsy
She's the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers
She's a picture in my wallet
Of my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding
When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer
And she's the song that I'm playing
[Repeat chorus]
She's the voice I love to hear
Someday when I'm ninety
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one
That I'd lay down my own life for
And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
Yeah she's everything to me
Everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
Monday, January 17, 2011
For Love's Sake Only
If thou must love me,
Let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only
Do not say, "I love her for her smile-her loook-
Her way of speaking gently, -for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mines, and certes brought,
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day"-
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,-and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,-
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
They comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only
Do not say, "I love her for her smile-her loook-
Her way of speaking gently, -for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mines, and certes brought,
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day"-
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,-and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,-
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
They comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Well...Today was, going to be honest, UBER hard...I had so many frustrations and hurt and pain today that it was hard to not just sit down and cry and scream like I truly wanted to.
I missed and still miss my family in Indiana. I miss my uncle and his AMAZING hugs...I miss my Joesphy and having him hold me as I cry about what's bothering me and reassure me. I miss being able to look at him and tell him about things happening in my life, including my new relationship. Sure, I can call him up but still, it's not the same. I miss my family in Indiana more than anything. I was remembering the times when we would sit around the fire pit outside and just cook hot dogs and marshmellows and sing together and just BE together and I did something I don't think I've EVER done....like, in my whole life.....I BURST OUT CRYING O_o It shocked me cause like, I HAVE never done that before, or at least I don't remember doing it. I just miss them so much and I'd give ANYTHING to be able to see them again...I got to see them for TWO days in December and it made me realize just how much I miss my hilly billy side of the family...=_(
Then, I got yelled at and stuff for my faith because I told my ex that I couldn't be with him and that was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. It hurt SO bad but I know I had to do it...I WANT to live FULLY for the Lord...Besides, it wouldn't be fair to be with him, when I'm falling in love with another man....And yes, I am falling....Although that story is for another post....
Anywho...Right now, I just want to go to bed and ball my eyes out BBBBUUUTTT I think I will stay up a bit and read the Bible and pray and then maybe read some Nicholas Sparks as well, just to make me feel better...I should probably take some ibuprofen for my head as well...Toodles...
I missed and still miss my family in Indiana. I miss my uncle and his AMAZING hugs...I miss my Joesphy and having him hold me as I cry about what's bothering me and reassure me. I miss being able to look at him and tell him about things happening in my life, including my new relationship. Sure, I can call him up but still, it's not the same. I miss my family in Indiana more than anything. I was remembering the times when we would sit around the fire pit outside and just cook hot dogs and marshmellows and sing together and just BE together and I did something I don't think I've EVER done....like, in my whole life.....I BURST OUT CRYING O_o It shocked me cause like, I HAVE never done that before, or at least I don't remember doing it. I just miss them so much and I'd give ANYTHING to be able to see them again...I got to see them for TWO days in December and it made me realize just how much I miss my hilly billy side of the family...=_(
Then, I got yelled at and stuff for my faith because I told my ex that I couldn't be with him and that was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. It hurt SO bad but I know I had to do it...I WANT to live FULLY for the Lord...Besides, it wouldn't be fair to be with him, when I'm falling in love with another man....And yes, I am falling....Although that story is for another post....
Anywho...Right now, I just want to go to bed and ball my eyes out BBBBUUUTTT I think I will stay up a bit and read the Bible and pray and then maybe read some Nicholas Sparks as well, just to make me feel better...I should probably take some ibuprofen for my head as well...Toodles...
Ugh
-SIGH- I'm very tired right now and I am trying so hard to not get irritated but it's so hard. I am not a perfect Christian by no means. I have my faults through and through and I have my un-trusting moments as well. But still, my parents who have been Christians all their lives, including my dad who use to be a pastor, can't trust the Lord enough about this? The Lord has a plan and whether my relationship works out or not, is up to Him. He has decided the pace of it, the length of it, and everything else. I honestly don't know what to do about this except pray, so into pray I go.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
That Time and Absence Proves
Absence, hear thou my protestation
Against thy strenght,
Distance and lenght;
For hearts of truest mettle
Absence doth join and Time doth settle.
Who loves a mistress of such quality,
His mind hath found
Affection's ground
Beyond time, place, and all mortality.
To hearts that cannot vary
Absence is present, Time doth tarry.
My senses want their outward motion
Which now within
Reason doth win,
Redoubled by secert notion:
Like rich men that take pleasure
In hiding more than handling treasure.
By Absence this good means I gain,
That I can catch her
Where none can watch her,
In some close corner of my brain:
There I embrace her and kiss her,
And so enjoy her and none miss her.
John Donne(1572-1631)
Against thy strenght,
Distance and lenght;
For hearts of truest mettle
Absence doth join and Time doth settle.
Who loves a mistress of such quality,
His mind hath found
Affection's ground
Beyond time, place, and all mortality.
To hearts that cannot vary
Absence is present, Time doth tarry.
My senses want their outward motion
Which now within
Reason doth win,
Redoubled by secert notion:
Like rich men that take pleasure
In hiding more than handling treasure.
By Absence this good means I gain,
That I can catch her
Where none can watch her,
In some close corner of my brain:
There I embrace her and kiss her,
And so enjoy her and none miss her.
John Donne(1572-1631)
Be Thankful For What You Have...
Be Thankful For What You Have...
I was talking to a friend today and we were discussing how, people complain about their lives when they have nothing to really complain about. They have pretty good lives and yet, they’re complaining and saying that they have a crappy life. Sure, they have some bumps in the road but they don’t have it all bad. They don’t know the meaning of a hard and crappy life. How many of you do this? You complain about little things in your life that is making it harder for you? How many of you take things in your life for granted? Here, let me give you an example of a crappy life.
When I was born, the doctors told my real mom(Lori) and my parents(the Gallants) I was gonna die from a alcohol, drug, and cigarette addiction. I was born too small and I couldn’t keep any food down. The Gallants stayed up at night trying to feed me night after night. I pulled through but it took awhile. When I was two and living with Lori during the week(I stayed with the Gallants on the weekends), Lori beat me. She had a hangover, I was an early bird and started playing with her makeup(I put it all over me! XD), she woke up, saw me, got furious, and beat me with the metal part of the belt. I had 92 bruises. When they took me to the hospital, the doctors said that a few more bruises would have killed me. That’s twice I have almost died since I was born. I remember EVERYTHING.
I lived in foster care with the Gallants for most of my life. I was adopted when I was seven and was officially a Gallant. When I was eight, I was taken from the Gallants and put into another foster home because two of the kids in the foster home had spread rumors about my parents because one didn’t want to live there anymore and the other was mad that I got adopted and she didn’t. I was put into a foster home where I knew no one and was absolutely alone. I wasn’t allowed to see my mother or my father. I could only see my sister and even then, not often. I became shy and quiet. I had no real friends and the only “friends” I did have, were my books, which, thankfully, the foster care home had a lot of. The room I stayed in, I was totally alone and there was a whole wall filled with books. I became a bookworm and got use to being alone. I saw things and had things happen to me in foster care, that you wouldn’t be able to handle. If I told you everything I’ve gone through, you’d have nightmares and you wouldn’t understand how I’ve survived.
When I was 11, I was allowed to live with my sister and her husband. I was not allowed to see either of my parents. I was shy, quiet, a nerd, and I didn’t really know how to make friends. I had been alone too long. Slowly, I opened up and became more outgoing, but not without some difficulty. A few months after my 12th birthday, I was allowed to see my mom although I couldn’t live with her. Due to failing grades, my mother sent me to live in Indiana with my uncle’s family and to be tutored by my aunt. I was torn from my parents, my home, my friends. I had my uncle’s family but it wasn’t the same. I was lonely and the six months I lived out there were some of the worst. They had their ups and downs but I missed my HOME. My parents knew it wasn’t easy on me, but that I had to do it for my grades. While I was out there, my grandpa, Pappy got sick. Everyone cried and was sad. I didn’t. I dealt with my fear and sadness like I usually did; I ignored it and acted cheerful. I tried to serve and cheer my family up any way I could. I didn’t think about my grandpa dying cause I didn’t want it to be true. I ignored it.
My grandpa died three weeks later. I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom and when I came back, my cousin who I shared a room with, was with my aunt and was crying. I was shocked. I couldn’t move. I stood there in the doorway, afraid to go to my uncle and find out the truth. I was scared. My uncle told me my grandpa had died and I cried. Once I let out that night’s worth of tears, I never cried for my grandpa again. You might think that’s wrong but it is how I am. Tears are things wasted and I have cried too many. Besides, I always thought my grandpa hated me because when I was younger, he would always pick on me or yell at me whenever he came to visit. Only when I had a dream about a year and a half ago did I know that that wasn’t true. My grandpa loved me but I just always ignored it.
I went back to california an outcast. I didn’t have any friends. I was shy, quiet, tomboy-ish, tough, angry. I was bullied by everyone in school. I got called hunchback because of my back. I had food thrown at me, I was followed home by gangs of kids, and I got into fight after fight( Most, of which I didn’t start but defended myself…). I had to defend myself often and if I hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t be here right now.
This continued until I was in high school. In fact, it got worse in high school, partly because I fell in with the wrong crowd. I fell in with the toughies and “bad” girls and boys; the ones who didn’t give a crap what people thought about them yet, they stuck together and defended each others back. These people became my friends and more. They became a kind of family to me. Due to my dad being gone, and my mom working from early in the morning to late at night, I was alone at home all the time, giving me freedom to do whatever I wanted, which I did. I went out, hung with my friends, took boxing lessons(and used them as well), went to parties, smoke, drank, did drugs. It was a never ending story and eventually, it started getting boring. In tenth grade, I was really out of control and my parents knew it. They pulled me out of school and we moved to Indiana so that my father could work on his internet business, although I knew it was because of me. I lived there for a year. I settled down and matured. That doesn’t mean that living there was all perfect and I never got into trouble and I was completely happy and had everything perfect in my life, because it wasn’t. I was lonely and missed my friends, no matter how good or bad they were.My parents fought over me all the time. There was tension in my uncles family and mine because of how many of us there were. But it worked out….
One day, my dad told me we were going to move back. I was so excited! I was gonna be in California again! That alone made me happy. I loved Indiana and I have many friends there besides my cousins, but, it is not HOME for me. I am an all Californian girl.
The day after my 17th birthday, we left Indiana and started the road trip home. We got there about four days later. The house we were moving into was my uncles. It was about half an hour from ALL my friends and the neighborhood it was located in was all middle age people or kids. No one my age lived around that house, at least, not that I saw. I eventually found friends at the churches I went to but I didn’t hang out with anyone very much except for my friend Christine who I saw every week(Besties 4 ever!) But that wasn’t THAT bad. What was bad about this house is what happens instead and the actual house.
The house is very, very old. It had a burned roof and garage from a fire four years ago. It has rats, roaches, holes in the ceiling where rain came in, it was cold, drafty, and there wasn’t enough space for all of us. My parents and I shared a room. My bed consisted of a lawn chair mat with a sleeping bag on the floor(which is actually really good for your back!!!). We had most of the stuff that wasn’t in storage in Indiana in that room plus the three of us. Oh yes, I forgot. I only have half my stuff including clothes cause most of it is either in storage in California or Indiana. There was no privacy at all since about 8 of us shared two bathrooms. we often didn’t have hot water(which we had to heat on the stove) or electricity. That wasn’t all of it. The worst thing about the house was the junk and the people that worked for my uncle. The junk was usually broken car parts, clothes, anything and everything you could imagine and it was EVERYWHERE. My uncle had four lots full of broken down cars. His backyard can’t be walked through due to the fact that there’s so much junk out there. And the people that came in and some times stayed there were not good people at all. Most were alcoholics or druggies yet my uncle hired them cause they were cheap to pay. I lived there for about two years after coming from Indiana(I had lived there years before too…). My uncle kicked us out so that’s why we moved to Sun City, Arizona, a retirement city for people over 40. There is no one my age around here and I don’t have any privacy yet, I am very lucky. I have a home, food, clothing, and am safe from danger.
I write this not to get sympathy or to have people feel sorry for me. I also don’t tell you this to say that my life is horrible, because it’s not. There’s others who have it worse than me. But I have had a hard life, more than you can imagine. If I told you half the stuff I’ve been through, you would be amazed that I’m as sane as I am now. Everyday, I have to deal with not having money, being away from my friends and other frustrations but I am NEVER complaining. I have been through hell and back and yet, I am stronger than ever. People should be thankful that their lives are so nice cause mine has been far from that. I’ve been alone most of my life, and even if I’m surrounded by my friends or other people, I still feel incredibly alone. Yet, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything for not only has it made me who I am today and made me able to handle litterly ANYTHING, it has given me the best people in the world as my friends….And I don’t regret one thing that has happened in my life although I remember all of it….I don’t regret ANYTHING….
So, for those of you who complain and say how hard a life you’ve had, remember that, there are some people who have had it way worse than you, and yet, they are still going strong. I have never given up even though I’ve wanted to and I ask that you don’t either. If you need someone to talk to, about ANYTHING, I’m here for you because I have probably been through the same things. Be thankful for what you have and never regret anything for it has made you exactly who your supposed to be….
I was talking to a friend today and we were discussing how, people complain about their lives when they have nothing to really complain about. They have pretty good lives and yet, they’re complaining and saying that they have a crappy life. Sure, they have some bumps in the road but they don’t have it all bad. They don’t know the meaning of a hard and crappy life. How many of you do this? You complain about little things in your life that is making it harder for you? How many of you take things in your life for granted? Here, let me give you an example of a crappy life.
When I was born, the doctors told my real mom(Lori) and my parents(the Gallants) I was gonna die from a alcohol, drug, and cigarette addiction. I was born too small and I couldn’t keep any food down. The Gallants stayed up at night trying to feed me night after night. I pulled through but it took awhile. When I was two and living with Lori during the week(I stayed with the Gallants on the weekends), Lori beat me. She had a hangover, I was an early bird and started playing with her makeup(I put it all over me! XD), she woke up, saw me, got furious, and beat me with the metal part of the belt. I had 92 bruises. When they took me to the hospital, the doctors said that a few more bruises would have killed me. That’s twice I have almost died since I was born. I remember EVERYTHING.
I lived in foster care with the Gallants for most of my life. I was adopted when I was seven and was officially a Gallant. When I was eight, I was taken from the Gallants and put into another foster home because two of the kids in the foster home had spread rumors about my parents because one didn’t want to live there anymore and the other was mad that I got adopted and she didn’t. I was put into a foster home where I knew no one and was absolutely alone. I wasn’t allowed to see my mother or my father. I could only see my sister and even then, not often. I became shy and quiet. I had no real friends and the only “friends” I did have, were my books, which, thankfully, the foster care home had a lot of. The room I stayed in, I was totally alone and there was a whole wall filled with books. I became a bookworm and got use to being alone. I saw things and had things happen to me in foster care, that you wouldn’t be able to handle. If I told you everything I’ve gone through, you’d have nightmares and you wouldn’t understand how I’ve survived.
When I was 11, I was allowed to live with my sister and her husband. I was not allowed to see either of my parents. I was shy, quiet, a nerd, and I didn’t really know how to make friends. I had been alone too long. Slowly, I opened up and became more outgoing, but not without some difficulty. A few months after my 12th birthday, I was allowed to see my mom although I couldn’t live with her. Due to failing grades, my mother sent me to live in Indiana with my uncle’s family and to be tutored by my aunt. I was torn from my parents, my home, my friends. I had my uncle’s family but it wasn’t the same. I was lonely and the six months I lived out there were some of the worst. They had their ups and downs but I missed my HOME. My parents knew it wasn’t easy on me, but that I had to do it for my grades. While I was out there, my grandpa, Pappy got sick. Everyone cried and was sad. I didn’t. I dealt with my fear and sadness like I usually did; I ignored it and acted cheerful. I tried to serve and cheer my family up any way I could. I didn’t think about my grandpa dying cause I didn’t want it to be true. I ignored it.
My grandpa died three weeks later. I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom and when I came back, my cousin who I shared a room with, was with my aunt and was crying. I was shocked. I couldn’t move. I stood there in the doorway, afraid to go to my uncle and find out the truth. I was scared. My uncle told me my grandpa had died and I cried. Once I let out that night’s worth of tears, I never cried for my grandpa again. You might think that’s wrong but it is how I am. Tears are things wasted and I have cried too many. Besides, I always thought my grandpa hated me because when I was younger, he would always pick on me or yell at me whenever he came to visit. Only when I had a dream about a year and a half ago did I know that that wasn’t true. My grandpa loved me but I just always ignored it.
I went back to california an outcast. I didn’t have any friends. I was shy, quiet, tomboy-ish, tough, angry. I was bullied by everyone in school. I got called hunchback because of my back. I had food thrown at me, I was followed home by gangs of kids, and I got into fight after fight( Most, of which I didn’t start but defended myself…). I had to defend myself often and if I hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t be here right now.
This continued until I was in high school. In fact, it got worse in high school, partly because I fell in with the wrong crowd. I fell in with the toughies and “bad” girls and boys; the ones who didn’t give a crap what people thought about them yet, they stuck together and defended each others back. These people became my friends and more. They became a kind of family to me. Due to my dad being gone, and my mom working from early in the morning to late at night, I was alone at home all the time, giving me freedom to do whatever I wanted, which I did. I went out, hung with my friends, took boxing lessons(and used them as well), went to parties, smoke, drank, did drugs. It was a never ending story and eventually, it started getting boring. In tenth grade, I was really out of control and my parents knew it. They pulled me out of school and we moved to Indiana so that my father could work on his internet business, although I knew it was because of me. I lived there for a year. I settled down and matured. That doesn’t mean that living there was all perfect and I never got into trouble and I was completely happy and had everything perfect in my life, because it wasn’t. I was lonely and missed my friends, no matter how good or bad they were.My parents fought over me all the time. There was tension in my uncles family and mine because of how many of us there were. But it worked out….
One day, my dad told me we were going to move back. I was so excited! I was gonna be in California again! That alone made me happy. I loved Indiana and I have many friends there besides my cousins, but, it is not HOME for me. I am an all Californian girl.
The day after my 17th birthday, we left Indiana and started the road trip home. We got there about four days later. The house we were moving into was my uncles. It was about half an hour from ALL my friends and the neighborhood it was located in was all middle age people or kids. No one my age lived around that house, at least, not that I saw. I eventually found friends at the churches I went to but I didn’t hang out with anyone very much except for my friend Christine who I saw every week(Besties 4 ever!) But that wasn’t THAT bad. What was bad about this house is what happens instead and the actual house.
The house is very, very old. It had a burned roof and garage from a fire four years ago. It has rats, roaches, holes in the ceiling where rain came in, it was cold, drafty, and there wasn’t enough space for all of us. My parents and I shared a room. My bed consisted of a lawn chair mat with a sleeping bag on the floor(which is actually really good for your back!!!). We had most of the stuff that wasn’t in storage in Indiana in that room plus the three of us. Oh yes, I forgot. I only have half my stuff including clothes cause most of it is either in storage in California or Indiana. There was no privacy at all since about 8 of us shared two bathrooms. we often didn’t have hot water(which we had to heat on the stove) or electricity. That wasn’t all of it. The worst thing about the house was the junk and the people that worked for my uncle. The junk was usually broken car parts, clothes, anything and everything you could imagine and it was EVERYWHERE. My uncle had four lots full of broken down cars. His backyard can’t be walked through due to the fact that there’s so much junk out there. And the people that came in and some times stayed there were not good people at all. Most were alcoholics or druggies yet my uncle hired them cause they were cheap to pay. I lived there for about two years after coming from Indiana(I had lived there years before too…). My uncle kicked us out so that’s why we moved to Sun City, Arizona, a retirement city for people over 40. There is no one my age around here and I don’t have any privacy yet, I am very lucky. I have a home, food, clothing, and am safe from danger.
I write this not to get sympathy or to have people feel sorry for me. I also don’t tell you this to say that my life is horrible, because it’s not. There’s others who have it worse than me. But I have had a hard life, more than you can imagine. If I told you half the stuff I’ve been through, you would be amazed that I’m as sane as I am now. Everyday, I have to deal with not having money, being away from my friends and other frustrations but I am NEVER complaining. I have been through hell and back and yet, I am stronger than ever. People should be thankful that their lives are so nice cause mine has been far from that. I’ve been alone most of my life, and even if I’m surrounded by my friends or other people, I still feel incredibly alone. Yet, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything for not only has it made me who I am today and made me able to handle litterly ANYTHING, it has given me the best people in the world as my friends….And I don’t regret one thing that has happened in my life although I remember all of it….I don’t regret ANYTHING….
So, for those of you who complain and say how hard a life you’ve had, remember that, there are some people who have had it way worse than you, and yet, they are still going strong. I have never given up even though I’ve wanted to and I ask that you don’t either. If you need someone to talk to, about ANYTHING, I’m here for you because I have probably been through the same things. Be thankful for what you have and never regret anything for it has made you exactly who your supposed to be….
Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master. He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. He had no medicines, yet they called him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared him, he won no military battles, yet he conquered the world, committed no crime yet they crucified him? He was buried in a tomb yet he lives today. Is this not proof ENOUGH that God is KING?!?!
This Generation...
Today's teens are so disrespectful and crass that it's disgusting....It's embarrassing... I'm like, so old age and old school and simple, even though I am a teen of this generation that it's just scary. I mean, some of the stuff they do, yea I can understand cause not all of it's bad(that doesn't mean you should still do it!!), but seriously? What is the big deal about getting drop dead drunk or getting high? Something must be wrong with my brain cause like, I just don't understand....And why in the WORLD do you have to tell EVERYONE who you had sex with last week? Now THAT is sick....Ugh...I hate this generation....=/
Mep!!! ^_^
"Natalie Lynne Gallant, you are like a good book, the more I read the better it gets."
Not gonna lie.....My bf got a huge hunk of my heart for that one....^_^
Not gonna lie.....My bf got a huge hunk of my heart for that one....^_^
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Once Upon It, I Have Loved
Once Upon It, I Have Loved
Out upon it! I have loved
Three whole days together;
And am like to love three more,
If it prove fair weather.
Time shall moult away his wings
Ere he shall discover
In the whole wide world again
Such a constant lover.
But the spite on’tis, no praise
Is due at all to me:
Love with me had made no stays
Had it any but she.
Had it any been but she,
And that very face,
There had been at least ere this
A dozen dozen in her place.
Sir John Suckling (1609-42)
Out upon it! I have loved
Three whole days together;
And am like to love three more,
If it prove fair weather.
Time shall moult away his wings
Ere he shall discover
In the whole wide world again
Such a constant lover.
But the spite on’tis, no praise
Is due at all to me:
Love with me had made no stays
Had it any but she.
Had it any been but she,
And that very face,
There had been at least ere this
A dozen dozen in her place.
Sir John Suckling (1609-42)
To Anthea, who may command him anything…
To Anthea, who may command him anything…
Bid me to live, and I will live
They Protestant to be;
Or bid me love, and I will give
A loving heart to thee.
A heart as soft, a heart as kind,
A heart as sound and free,
As in the whole world though Canst fine,
That heart I’ll give to thee.
Bid that heart stay, and it will stay,
To honour they decree;
Or bid it languish quite awak,
And’t shall do so for thee.
Bid me to weep and I will weep
While I have eyes to see;
And having none, yet I will keep
A heart to weep for thee.
Bid me despair, and I’ll despair
Under that cypress-tree;
Or bid me die, and I will dare
E’en death to die for thee.
Thou art my life, my love, my heart,
The very eyes of me;
And hast command of every part
To live and die for thee.
Robert Herrick(1591-1674)
Bid me to live, and I will live
They Protestant to be;
Or bid me love, and I will give
A loving heart to thee.
A heart as soft, a heart as kind,
A heart as sound and free,
As in the whole world though Canst fine,
That heart I’ll give to thee.
Bid that heart stay, and it will stay,
To honour they decree;
Or bid it languish quite awak,
And’t shall do so for thee.
Bid me to weep and I will weep
While I have eyes to see;
And having none, yet I will keep
A heart to weep for thee.
Bid me despair, and I’ll despair
Under that cypress-tree;
Or bid me die, and I will dare
E’en death to die for thee.
Thou art my life, my love, my heart,
The very eyes of me;
And hast command of every part
To live and die for thee.
Robert Herrick(1591-1674)
This is sweet but sad....
This video makes me cry....It's so sweet...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rKW-VRFczA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rKW-VRFczA
Facts About Me
Ok, so I've had this Blogger for like two years but I only used it to post my songs, my poems and stories, and my book that I'm writing but never ACTUAL thoughts and stuff I want to post....I usually save that for my Tumblr XD Well, no better time to start than now hu? So, this post is gonna be a GET-TO-KNOW- ME post so yea, enjoy! ^_^
1. My full name is Natalie Lynne Gallant
2. I'm nineteen
3. I'm Hungarian, British, German and American.
4. I am a Christian and am PROUD of it and happy about it. GLORY BE TO THE LORD IN THE HIGHEST!
5. I was in foster care when I was younger but was adopted when I was seven.
6. I have very simple and old-aged views especially when it comes to love and purity but I can be very new-age as well.
7. I am a romantic at hear. ;]
8. I can relate to all kinds of people and problems so I don't judge anyone and HATE it when people judge me without really getting to know me.
9. I have a past like everyone else, but thanks to the Lord, it's been forgiven and I've been given a new start.
10. I should probably mention that I am EXTREMELY weird and because of that, I have a boyfriend who is weirder than I am, if that's possible. He is AWESOME. =]
11. I, unlike most teens of this day, actually do want to get married and have like a crap load of kids, cause I love them. I even want to adopt some.
12. I have a hard time trusting people, so if I close up on you, be patient with me and give me time, and eventually I will open up.
13. I LOVE penguins, the Lord and his Word, ham and pineapple pizza, knowledge, black licorice, action and horror/ suspense movies, traveling, Fantasy and romantic books(especially if it's Nicholas Sparks), raw broccoli with ranch, my best friend in this whole world, Chelsea, four wheeling in the mud and doing things to over come my fears and make me stronger, roller blading, writing, singing, smiling, and being there for my friends.
14. I have many insecurities and doubts, but with the Lord's and my friends help, I overcome them and grow stronger.
15. I have more books than clothes so by that, you can tell that I am NOT a girly girl. I'm more of a tom-boy though I have my girlie moments as well....I'd rather be getting dirty to be bluntly honest. XD
God Bless
Nat<3
1. My full name is Natalie Lynne Gallant
2. I'm nineteen
3. I'm Hungarian, British, German and American.
4. I am a Christian and am PROUD of it and happy about it. GLORY BE TO THE LORD IN THE HIGHEST!
5. I was in foster care when I was younger but was adopted when I was seven.
6. I have very simple and old-aged views especially when it comes to love and purity but I can be very new-age as well.
7. I am a romantic at hear. ;]
8. I can relate to all kinds of people and problems so I don't judge anyone and HATE it when people judge me without really getting to know me.
9. I have a past like everyone else, but thanks to the Lord, it's been forgiven and I've been given a new start.
10. I should probably mention that I am EXTREMELY weird and because of that, I have a boyfriend who is weirder than I am, if that's possible. He is AWESOME. =]
11. I, unlike most teens of this day, actually do want to get married and have like a crap load of kids, cause I love them. I even want to adopt some.
12. I have a hard time trusting people, so if I close up on you, be patient with me and give me time, and eventually I will open up.
13. I LOVE penguins, the Lord and his Word, ham and pineapple pizza, knowledge, black licorice, action and horror/ suspense movies, traveling, Fantasy and romantic books(especially if it's Nicholas Sparks), raw broccoli with ranch, my best friend in this whole world, Chelsea, four wheeling in the mud and doing things to over come my fears and make me stronger, roller blading, writing, singing, smiling, and being there for my friends.
14. I have many insecurities and doubts, but with the Lord's and my friends help, I overcome them and grow stronger.
15. I have more books than clothes so by that, you can tell that I am NOT a girly girl. I'm more of a tom-boy though I have my girlie moments as well....I'd rather be getting dirty to be bluntly honest. XD
God Bless
Nat<3
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