I Will Miss You Terribly....

It makes me sad to tell you that I'm dating someone else but it KILLS me to tell you that I'm gonna end up marrying them. It blows my mind because, not even ten months ago, the only thing I wanted more than anything was to marry YOU. And yet, that dream was shattered, never to be seen again because of your stupid anger and your hurtful words. Do I regret it? Do I regret telling you your my everything and spending countless hours assuring you of my love for you? No. I will never regret that. I miss it, in fact. It is something beautiful. WE were something beautiful. Something like out of a fairy tale book except the fairy tale went wrong and we lost each other, only for me to find a new, unexpected prince and still wish it was you.

You once said to me that he was nothing like you and that he never will be and your right. The only way he is like you is his constant and utter cheesy-ness and romantics. But, other than that, he's nothing like you. He doesn't know the first thing about cars, he tries to do stitch's voice and fails at it, he can't drive or give me an adrenaline rush like you can on the Castaic Roads. He doesn't smell or look like you, and he doesn't have that adorable little smile that I love so much. I don't look at his pictures and cry like when I look at yours and I don't laugh when he tries to do voices and fails at it. But that doesn't mean I don't love him, cause I do.

I love the silent, unquenchable joy he has for everyone and everything, including life. I love how he always treats people nicely, even if they do him wrong or when he finds out he did something wrong, he instantly starts crying and begging my forgiveness which lets me know he's sincere. I love the way I feel safe and comfortable with him, or how I know he will stick by me through the hard times or how I know he wouldn't say something without first thinking it through. I love how he loves the Lord with all his heart and me with all the leftover pieces. It may sound bad, but to me, it is PERFECT. I love his blue eyes that change colors or his evil side grin.

This doesn't mean to say, I don't stay up at night crying, wondering what went wrong between us or how this should yours and my wedding instead of his and mine. I do miss you, more than you know. And I do love you, more than you know. I always have and I always will. But, I am so tired of waiting for you to figure out if you really do love me as you say you do and want me in your life, or if I'm just another fling to you. I'm tired of you not thinking before you speak and breaking my heart with your words and I'm tired of you giving me empty promises and vows. I'm tired of nothing being happy or being afraid of getting hurt every time you go to speak to me. I'm tired of giving everything I am to you or trying to convince you every time I talk to you of how much I love you when you don't even hear let alone believe anything I say. I'm tired of wasting my breath and time on you, when you don't even care or show the same affection to me.

I love you and part of me will die when I walk down that aisle and see that it's him, not you standing at the alter waiting for me. Part of me will cry on my honeymoon night when I'm in his arms and not yours. And part of me will always miss you when I'm making a home for me and my new life. I love you and I hope and pray that you will eventually learn and believe how much you mean to people and that someday, you may find a girl and actually learn to love her right. When you do, another part of me will die, but that's for another time. Have a good life and don't be so hard on yourself or un-trusting. It only breaks you down. I will miss you terribly....